Tonight is one of those "now or never" kind of nights. You either go to bed now, or you won't get any sleep before dawn. Tonight is one of those nights when you are so tired, but your brain won't shut the hell up. You make to do lists in your head, resolutions you'll start tomorrow, phone calls and bills you will follow up on the next day; it's one of those nights, that as it progresses, your thoughts and lists melt and mold into one solitary, run on sentence. It's as if your brain retaliating for reading craptastic novels, or wasting two hours of your life watching movies you've already seen before: your brain tries to tell you: ZORRO STILL WINS, SO GO TO BED! But you don't. And then hours later, your brain wants to talk to you about all the shit you have to get done the next day. It also reminds you, in a menacing way, how little sleep you are going to have. It makes you already dread work and the fight you'll have with your eyelids to stay open.
Argh!!!! Just the thought of pounding back one mocha after another makes you want to scream at the approaching agony. But no matter the dreadful sleepiness you face the next day, you can't help but shift this way and that. First I was too hot, then too cold; so I changed my pjs twice in one half hour. Then it's your partner's snoring, your cat's nudging and purring, your mind that still won't shut the hell up... it's amazing your hair follicles aren't bleeding from where you just ripped out all your hair.
What else is amazing, is that this is my first blog that I've ever done that wasn't for school. And of course, I'm bitching. So I'd like to close with something positive: even though I'm awake right now, I'm going to bed knowing that despite my mind's incessant bitching at me; I am still a very blessed woman to have a cat that purrs at me, a man who loves me (even though his nostrils don't) and great coworkers to share my silly, sleepy stupor with tomorrow.
Good night and God bless!
Stephanie Ann
